


Last Life

by happysarcasm



Series: andi’s mcyt fics [7]
Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Bitterness, Canon-Typical Violence, Crying, Gen, Heavy Angst, Isolation, Loneliness, Mental Breakdown, Mild Blood, Mild Hurt/Comfort, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, theres a brief scene in l’manburg but it’s mostly hell, this is all within the rp btw hhh, this takes place in the nether mostly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:34:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27913102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happysarcasm/pseuds/happysarcasm
Summary: Tommy hasn’t been doing well. Not in the slightest. Exile’s taking a major toll on his mind, he’s alone with a ghost almost his only company, and he hasn’t heard a single word from Tubbo since he was banished.He’s contemplating all of this in the Nether when Dream comes in to “check up on him.”[DISCLAIMER: i know the whole smp plot is a bit/an rp, this is in no way a reflection on their irl personalities, all my fics are just for fun! :) also major spoilers for recent streams, obviously]
Relationships: Clay | Dream & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Clay | Dream & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Series: andi’s mcyt fics [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1905163
Comments: 30
Kudos: 352
Collections: Completed stories I've read





	Last Life

**Author's Note:**

> hello! i’m so distraught! prepare for so much more angst in the coming days. enjoy!

The Nether heat was starting to get to Tommy. He picked at his skin and adjusted his clothes, refusing to take off the oversized, old green jacket. Blackstone burned the place where his hand gripped the edge until his knuckles were white.

Tommy stared at the lava beneath him in thought. He only had one last life before he died for real. One chance and then he was gone.

Well, not _really_ gone. His ghost would continue to wander the world with limited memory about his alive self and the events that had taken a major toll on him. It seemed that way with Ghostbur, at least. Maybe he’d write a book about his memory whe— if he died. Or before. It didn’t really matter to him.

He’d wondered multiple times what it would be like as a ghost. Asking Ghostbur didn’t seem to help, as he most of the time danced around the subject and moved on to the next thing that caught his attention. It was...irritating, to say the least, but he was the only companion Tommy had in exile, so he kind of had to be nicer. 

His thoughts wandered to his friends back home. Some of them visited occasionally, like Sam, Ranboo, and Quackity, but no word from Tubbo aside from second hand accounts of his actions. No letter, no visitation, not a goddamn word from his “best friend.” Were they even friends anymore? He didn’t know.

Ranboo and Sam had been kind enough to drop off some of his stuff to the island he was currently staying at. Dream was still checking up on him at regular intervals, making him drop any valuables in order for them to be set aflame under the threat of perma-death. 

His thought on the subject occasionally wandered to..less than nice places. Of course he had experienced them before considering his past altrications, but they’d never been this..invasive.

Usually it was easy to push them to the side, always having bigger and more pressing matters to worry about. His friends, L’manburg, his _discs_. 

But now he was far away from home, having lost almost everyone he cares about, and now on his last life, it seemed so **easy**. Tempting maybe, if he were pushing it.

He never actually did anything about it though. He didn’t know whether that was out of stubbornness or cowardice. His thoughts would wander, he would contemplate it, he would lash out and/or shut down, then go back to normal like nothing happened. Tommy counted himself lucky that Wilbur hadn’t bothered to ask about it, only offering him some Blue if he actually caught him in one of his moments. To the other’s credit, he seemed genuinely concerned whenever Tommy made a concerning joke or worrying comment. 

Wilbur wasn’t away often, but Tommy hated it when he was. Staying on the island by himself got so boring. And lonely, but that was already a problem he had. With nothing else better to do, he’d most often lay in his tent or travel to the Nether, sitting in front of the portal that would lead him home, the portal that always seemed to taunt him.

Tommy thought about his current position in life. Away from his only home and only friends, trapped with a ghost and having a literal god hanging everything over his head, just out of his reach. _God_ , sometimes he just wanted to run through that portal and see his friends one more time, permanently dying be damned. At this point it might be worth it.

Tommy could sense that his mind was starting to drift to that place again. The lava beneath him seemed so far away, but all he had to do was. Let go. If he decided against it halfway through, it wasn’t like he could place water, and he didn’t have a saddle to place on a strider. And he probably wouldn’t remember his last death as a ghost, so…

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of someone coming through the portal, but Tommy didn’t bother to look back, choosing to keep his eyes fixed below him. 

“What are you doing, Tommy.” The sentence didn’t sound like a question.

Tommy grit his teeth and sighed. He could point out that fucking voice anywhere. “The hell do you want, Dream?” He forced himself to respond.

Dream’s heavyset armor clanked as he walked to stand beside Tommy. “I asked what you were doing here.” Tommy still didn’t bother looking up at the other.

“‘M fucking sitting down, what’s it look like? If you’re here to keep me from coming through the portal you don’t have to worry, I wasn’t planning on it.” He spoke with hostility in his tone. “So if that’s all you’re here for then you can get the hell out of here.”

The older man just sat down with a small laugh, much to Tommy’s annoyance. “I keep telling you, I just wanna check up on you. Make sure you’re not up to-“

“Up to no good, _I know_.” Tommy cut him off. Dream had only repeated the phrase a thousand times. “Well it’s been weeks and no attempt to escape that hellhole, so you don’t have to keep doing these check ups.” The teen pulled his knees to his chest, burying the lower half of his face.

He saw Dream tilt his head out of the corner of his eye. “I’m doing this just to make sure you’re doing alright, Tommy. Can’t have you losing your last life on me, y’know?” He said with mock concern. 

Tommy scoffed. “Yeah, I’m sure you care so much about my well being, Dream.” A sharp, bitter laugh escaped him. Yeah, ‘cause it was _so_ like Dream to care about him, of all people.

“Well, I don’t disregard your life completely, I’m not a monster, Tommy.” The blonde laughed at that, but Dream continued on. “Besides, how do you think Tubbo would feel if I let you die all alone out here?”

Tommy suddenly jumped from where he was, staring down at Dream with contempt. The other seemed genuinely surprised, the mask still not giving away any emotion on his face. Tommy’s breathing was getting heavier, his teeth clenched so hard he thought they might break, and his fists shaking at his sides. How dare he mention Tubbo now of all times. 

“What the FUCK is your problem?!” He snapped at the other. “You think taunting me about my friend is fucking funny?! Fuck you!” Tommy kept raising his voice, Dream having stood up by now, opposing him.

“Tommy, that’s not—“

“No, don’t try and manipulate your way out of this one! You can’t act like everything’s okay when it’s **obviously** fucking NOT!” Tommy kept his eyes trained on Dream, seeing red. “You sent me here, _YOU_ manipulated Tubbo into practically hating me, you wonder why people think you’re a villain when it’s so **FUCKING** CLEAR, how do you not get it?!” Tommy could feel hot tears starting to stream down his face only to turn into steam halfway.

Dream kept quiet throughout his tangent until then. “Tommy, this is kind of your own fault that you’re exiled. You never listened to me or your friend, why do you think he _chose_ to exile you?” His voice was so calm and collected, and Tommy wanted nothing more than to just wail on him. To take everything out on the one man who’s caused nearly every major problem in his life.

Tommy sucked in a long breath. If he can’t take his anger out physically, he may as well try another way. “How the fuck do you sleep at night? Knowing that you pushed everyone who cared about you away?” Tommy saw Dream’s hand tighten on his axe. “Is it fun? Being practically a god, that is. I think it may be a bit lonely sometimes, yeah?”

“What’s your point, Tommy?” The other asked tiredly. He could see that Dream was starting to get irritated.

“My point is that maybe we’re equal, in one way or another. Both equally as alone. But the difference…” Another bitter laugh. “The difference is, Dream, is that _I_ still have friends that care about me. I have friends, you have your fuckin’ lackeys.” Tommy stepped closer. “I’m finally above you in something, Dream. How’s that feel?”

Dream struck him in the chest with his netherite axe, sending Tommy stumbling back onto the blackstone wall, inches away from falling down, down, **down** into the red below. He stared once again, not realizing Dream had gotten closer, axe ready to strike again. “Don’t push your luck.” Was all Dream replies with. 

His eyes snapped to the man in front of him. Tommy felt bold this time around, wanting to have some fun this time. He knew Dream most likely wouldn’t actually kill him, so what’s the harm in teasing?

“Or what, you’ll hit me again? Y’know you always threaten me with death, but you never follow through. Why is that?” The axe drove into his left shoulder, making Tommy go into a harsh coughing fit. He held the injured spot with enough pressure to keep the bleeding to an unfatal level. His breathing was labored and sporadic, his vision blurring in some areas.

“Tommy I don’t want to kill you right now, believe me. But you really are pushing it here.” Tommy slid down the wall, looking at the blood covered weapon in disgust. Like he would believe a word this motherfucker said in a million years.

He looked up at Dream with loathing and a kind of determination in his eyes. “So what are you gonna do, just leave me here?” Tommy’s voice shook unconsciously, voice thick from crying. “Killing me right now would be a mercy, I think. So go ahead! Just—“ He took hold of the upper part of the axe handle, pulling it towards his own chest “— _do it_!”

Silence stretched over the two, the noises of the hellscape around them being the only sound. Dream pulled the offending weapon away and out of Tommy’s hands, stepping back. 

“Not now, Tommy.” Dream walked back to the portal, eventually out of sight. “It’s not your time yet.” The sounds of Dream going back through the portal taunted him. 

The teenager sat in his own blood for longer than he’d like to admit, his tears having stopped a while ago. He sat there for what felt like days. He didn’t know how long had passed when another person came through the portal calling out his name. 

——

Tubbo sat against the spruce doors to Ranboo’s basement house. Tommy had rushed to make that house the day before he was exiled, at least that’s what he’d heard from Ranboo and Sapnap. The house itself was barely furnished, only having a double chest and two furnaces in the middle of the small room. 

He had a book in his hands, writing down new information his cabinet had gotten about Techno’s whereabouts. They had gotten into contact with Phil, but the man didn’t spill anything they could use to knock him off the L’manburg Hit List

He perked up when the tell tale clacking of netherite armor came into earshot. Dream was slowly making his way towards him, motioning that he wanted to speak with Tubbo.

The younger stood, making his way over to the new ally of L’manburg. God. Having Dream as an ally. What an achievement. His cabinet may not have thought so, but they’d thank him sooner or later. It wasn’t like he wanted to exile Tommy, but he was just thinking logically.

“Tubbo! There you are.” Dream bounded over, seemingly in a decent mood. “I just wanted to check in, see how L’manburg’s doing. Haven’t really been to the ‘capital’ in a little while.” He took off his netherite helmet, looking around at the improved housing and newly flooded crater.

“Oh, well, how considerate of you! Do you want a tour around some of the new landmarks and buildings constructed around here?” Tubbo was trying his best to be polite. He disliked Dream as much as the next L’manburg citizen, but benign cordial was the very least required of him if the two leaders were political allies.

Dream let out a small chuckle. “No, no I’m ok. But it’s great to see you’ve made a lot of progress on improving this place since Tommy went away.” Tubbo could hear the other’s smile when he spoke and felt the urge to smack that mask right off his face. 

“Uh— Yeah! Yeah, it’s been...peaceful.” Tubbo kept the negativity out of his voice as best he could. “Is there anything else you needed besides just, uh, checking in?”

The other turned his head back to him, lifting his mask slightly to take a bite out of his bread. “Uhm, I do actually have something that you..may find important. It’s not that big of a deal, really.” Dream put his hand on his hip nonchalantly.

Tubbo tilted his head at that. “Oh..? Is something the matter?” A tinge of worry slipped into his tone, and the taller man just laughed again.

“I— I wouldn’t worry too much Tubbo, he’ll sort himself out soon.” 

That sentence concerned Tubbo more. Had one of his citizens gotten injured? Had a cabinet member caused another conflict? ..He didn’t want to think about the other possibilities. “Wh— who’ll sort who’s self out? Dream what’s that mean?” He stepped toward the other, ready to take off to find one of his friends.

Dream rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, if you want the full story-“

“Yeah, yeah I _would_ actually.” Tubbo cut him off.

“...If you want the full story, as I was saying, I was doing my regular check up on the exiled, making sure he wasn’t conspiring or whatever, when I caught him sitting by the Nether portal that led to Dream SMP.” 

Tubbo sighed internally. Dammit Tommy.

“So I tried talking to him, asking him what he was doing there, y’know, and he just got..aggressive! Started yelling and getting in my face for god knows what.”

“Sounds like Tommy to me..” Tubbo crosses his arms. He didn’t like where this story was headed.

“Yeah, exactly! So, things ended up.. _escalating_ , and I may have gone a bit too far with it.” 

Tubbo’s face paled. What had Dream done to him? “What...do you mean by escalated, Dream?” He was afraid to hear the answer.

Dream took in a breath. “Well. He wasn’t in the best condition when I left. But hey, I didn’t kill him, even if he was quite literally asking for it. Now what kind of person would I be if I did that?” Dream tilted his head in a mocking fashion.

Tubbo’s hands started shaking. Oh fuck. If Tommy was in the Nether, badly injured with no other person in sight...Tubbo thought he might’ve gotten sick just thinking about everything that could’ve happened.

“Dream. Dream, I— I’ll be back soon. If you could tell the cabinet that’d be great.” Tubbo pushed passed the older man and started running to the portal.

“Tubbo!” He felt Dream grab his arm, pulling him back. “You’re not going to see Tommy. He’s gone for a reason, remember?” He put emphasis on the last word. Tubbo pulled out of his grip, turning to briefly face the taller.

“You never said I couldn’t go visit him. He’s not allowed to come here, _remember_?” He mimicked Dream’s words. “And I could have you escorted out at any time. L’manburg is a fully recognized nation now, don’t you remember?” 

With that, Tubbo turned on his heel and rushed towards the SMP’s Nether portal.

——

“Tommy?? Tommy are you— Tommy!”

The boy in question was still slumped against the wall, arms gripping either side of him. He turned towards the distant voice, seeing his former best friend standing on the blackstone to his left. He turned his gaze away as quickly as it had landed on the other.

“Tommy, are you ok? H-how much damage—? Oh, god.” Tommy pulled his knees further into himself, staring down at the blackstone even when the other boy sat down in front of him, assessing the damage.

“Hey— Hey, Tommy, can you understand me?” Tubbo was careful, slightly waving his hand in front of him. Tommy tried to slap his hand down with what little energy he had, instead Tubbo put his hand down after Tommy swatted the air near him. “Ok, ok, I get it..”

Tubbo sighed after a beat of silence. “Uh, Dream told me what happened…” That got Tommy to finally look at the other. Even through unfocused vision, he could see the worry on Tubbo’s face.

With all his energy, he tried getting in a coherent sentence. “Why…are you **here**..?” His voice was hoarse and broken, mostly being drowned out by the Nether noises.

“Wh— Tommy, I’m here because I’m concerned about you, I’m not gonna hear about Dream practically assaulting you and not do anything about it! Fuck, he told me earlier you were ok out here!”

Tommy flinched back when Tubbo raised his voice, the other taking notice. He calmed down, slowly moving to take Tommy’s hand away from the shoulder wound. Tubbo looked borderline sick when he saw it, covering his mouth either in shock or disgust. “Tommy..”

The injured boy coughed. “You can get out of here, I was just about to leave.” Tommy tried standing, only for his legs to collapse under him and Tubbo catching him before face planting into the stone, sitting him back down onto the path. Tubbo looked at him with what Tommy construed as pity. “Don’t— don’t fucking look at me like that, Tubbo. I don’t need your pity stares.”

His...his friend just looked at him with more worry in his eyes. “I’m not seeing you out of pity, Tommy!” His tone was urgent, but..caring? “I’m seeing you because I genuinely care. Contrary to popular belief, I don’t hate you, Tommy.”

Tommy could feel the tears well up in his eyes again. “Don’t say...don’t— you _can’t_ -...” He could feel his voice and his will breaking again. Tubbo slowly and clearly started reaching out to hug Tommy, when the latter shot forward and embraced his friend. 

They both sat on the burning blackstone for however long. Tommy sobbing in hurt and relief at the same time into the other’s shoulder, and Tubbo staying for however long Tommy needed him for.

After four minutes, the two separated. Tommy sat back on his heels, wiping at his stinging eyes and Tubbo sat in silence. The pain was still there, but it had been disregarded by Tommy a long while ago.

Tubbo broke the silence after a short while. “Uhm, Tommy..Dream told me something that uh, piqued my interest, to put it lightly..” Tommy grimaced, preparing for whatever bullshit Dream had told him. “He uh— he told me, in a way, that you had been asking him, to kill you?” Tubbo phrased it as a question.

Tommy said nothing in response, just shrugging non-committedly. “Tommy.” He heard Tubbo speak in the “stern voice” he used when he thought things were serious. “Tommy, why did you say that, if what he said was true?”

The blonde grit his teeth again, feeling himself growing more irritated. “Tubbo, I have been here _so many_ times, like— at least seven or eight times, just sitting on this fucking path above the goddamned lava lake, I just—…” Tommy stopped himself. “I don’t know what to do with myself.” His voice got even quieter.

There was another pause. “Tommy..remember what we told each other? You’re not allowed to be the next Wilbur if I’m not allowed to be the next Schlatt.” 

Hearing the familiar words stung, and he laughed humorlessly. “Yeah, wonder how the whole “Not Schlatt” thing is going for you. Not that I would know, because of the whole “completely and utterly alone in exile” thing.” He didn’t bother to remove the bitterness from his words. Frankly, he was allowed to be a little pissed.

A sigh came from the other. “Look, Tommy, I've said before I never wanted to send you away and I’m sorry. Is that what you want to hear?” Irritation coated Tubbo’s tone, only annoying Tommy further.

“I _want_ to go the fuck home. Tubbo, that island fucking sucks! Dream keeps taking everything away when I think I have the slightest chance of happiness or, god forbid peace, he comes in all high and mighty and makes me burn my shit, the stuff that I earn here! Tubbo, this is fucking TORTURE.” His angry tangent sent him into another short coughing fit.

The older boy let out a long sigh. “You know I can’t let you go home, Tommy, I apologize. Just hope that he’ll let you come back for a Christmas visitation for a little while, I can try and sort some things out then. But until then, you gotta stay here. I know it sucks, and I hate seeing you like this, but it just..needs to be this way for a while, ok?”

“...Yeah. Ok.” Tommy’s tone made it clear that he wasn’t satisfied, but he wasn’t trying anything, so Tubbo seemed to consider that a small victory. 

Tubbo had a small, sad smile. “Come on, I’ll help you get back to your island.” He handed baked potatoes to the other, Tommy snatching the food from his hand and eating almost immediately.

The two stood on the path, now side by side. “Thank you, Tubbo, but I can make it back on my own. The food helps a bit. Thank you, though.” His voice keeps breaking, but Tommy could feel it getting better. He turned to walk down the bridge when a hand on his shoulder stopped him.

“Wait, Tommy.” Tubbo turned Tommy so they were facing each other. “Just...while this shit is going on, try and stay alive for me, ok? I—…I don’t know what I would do if you were gone for real.” Tommy could tell he wanted to say something more, but Tubbo let go of him. 

For the first time in weeks, Tommy genuinely smiled. “I’ll try, Big Man.” They parted ways at that, waving at each other until one of them was out of site. Tommy’s smile dropped, eyes once again going to the lava. 

Sucking in a breath, he fixed his gaze on the path ahead leading back to the island’s portal. 

“I’ll try.”

**Author's Note:**

> ANGST AND PAIN BABY, ANGST AND PAIN.
> 
> also, according to ao3 statistics, only a small percentages of readers actually leave a comment, so— *gets shot*


End file.
